I was talking to Chasity. In the first test, we were talking about just some random subjects. She was sitting to the side of me and I was sitting straight up and turning my body so I was looking directly at her. Periodically she would glance around the room or look down. Whenever she did this I made a point to get into her line of vision. At first she just looked at me weird, a bit like I was crazy. Then she started to wonder what she was doing that would cause me to act weird, like was there something on her face, etc. Then finally she just asked me what was wrong with me. I told her nothing and then we just kept talking. Then I did it again, and she again asked me what was wrong with me and even wondered if I was doing a psychological test on her. I honestly told her I was NOT doing a psych test. Ha!
The second test, not making eye contact, was easier. She actually didn’t notice anything outside of the normal and never said a word to me.
On the third test as I moved towards her, she actually held out her hand and pushed me gently away. I guess that was her way of letting me know I had just violated her personal space. When I came close to her again, she held out her hands and asked what I was doing. I said, “Nothing, I’m just trying to talk to you.” I don’t know that she bought it though, because by that point she had had enough of my weirdness. After I told her I wasn’t doing anything, she actually let me get close to her the next time I did it. She is like eight inches taller than me, so she just looked down at me. I thought she was just trying to intimidate me because I was threatening her personal space.
After a while I couldn’t help myself and I started laughing. I then told her what I was doing. I asked her what she noticed, and as I already indicated, she noticed the first and last test, but had no clue I was avoiding making eye contact on the second test. She actually said that conversation was comfortable for her because she is one of those people who don’t like a lot of direct eye contact. The moral of this test: Not everyone will take these violations of rules of communication the way we think because it really depends on how they view these slights of proper conversation. How many people do you encounter that do not feel comfortable making direct eye contact as a practice?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Most of my friends and family members use at least some eye contact when holding a conversation. They don't stare of course, but they make eye contact once and a while. However, my dad is an exception to this rule. I never know if he is listening to me because he never makes eye contact and stares out the window when I am talking to him. It drives me crazy because I need eye contact! I also know some immigrants from Africa who never make eye contact with someone they consider to be more powerful. These people work for my mom at her company, so they never make eye contact with her. This is a cultural norm instead of a personal preference, like my dad's lack of eye contact is.
ReplyDeleteYes, I had an experience with my roommate Lee Monson. Except, the direct eye contact was the norm in our conversation and for Lee as an individual. It was when I ceased eye contact where he thought that I was on something.I have met those people who don't like direct eye contact. Unfortunately since it's the way I tend to talk and simply stress some people out.
ReplyDeleteIn my relationships, eye contact is not as important as it would be for other people. I like to make eye contact so that other's know that I am paying attention to them; it also is my way of helping myself pay attention to what other's are saying also. I used to hate eye contact when I was younger. I used to get so freaked out when others would look me dead in the eye; I don't know why? I think it made me feel uncomfortable because I would always wonder what they were thinking.
ReplyDelete